I do not have to say anything about friendship. A lot has already been said. Friendship is an eternal subject. For, as long as human history goes, there has been friendship. This is one relationship, without any Logic.
What do I have to write about Friendship?
Lo, here goes a small story about Close friends!
" Long ago (actually not so long ago), there were a bunch of high-school friends (take it as 8 guys). These guys used to freak out at every possible instance. They were so close friends that they believed their friendship would last forever. They wanted time to freeze, afraid of the ever passing time (singing famous song from Sholay 'Yeh dosti, hum nahi toDenge'). In a blink of an eye, School days were over. Destiny had a say, they had to part ways. Each one of them had different interests, and went to different colleges. They were all in touch, for some time (though not as close as they used to be). They would meet occasionally and would re-live the glorious old days of school. During college days, three of them lost touch (with the rest). The five friends-, who were in touch, did not have time to meet each other. They would mail / call each other (occasionally). After college, two guys continued with their education, others found Job. During this time, two guys had almost lost touch with the rest, but some Alumni meets and some online forums kept them in touch with the other three guys.
One day, one of the guys announced that 'he's getting married'. His friends were very happy for him, they wanted a re-union on his marriage. On his wedding day, most of his friends could not take time off their work (lol). They had to skip their (once) close friend's marriage, due to other commitments. Months passed by, this (married) guy has now lost interest in meeting his old pals. No, he is not to be blamed! He has got entangled in his day-2-day responsibilities. None of his friends have met / know his wife; his wife doesn't recognize their names even! So, the married guy is forced not to meet his friends often.
So, one more link of a broken chain is lost.
A couple of years later, all these guys have their own commitments (work, wife, girlfriend etc etc), so only 2/3 people are in touch. These guys are in touch only on phone / mail / chat (thanks to technological advancements). Another call, another guy is getting married!!!! He too will be lost in his adventures of married life! This time around, most of the guys make it a point to attend the marriage. But, they could not even enjoy each others' company now. They feel hesitant to talk to guys, with whom they would (once) share all their secrets. Post marriage, this guy too cannot find time for his old friends. So he too stops calling/ mailing / chatting with old friends. Often, he is seen online (in chatting tools / social n/w sites), but he doesn't have time to talk/chat!
Every time someone pings, he has an excuse - "wife on fone, gimme a min" / "gettin late, gotta go home - wife waitin" / "very busy with work, gotta finish - so dat i can go home" etc etc.
Another Link- of the (non-existent) chain broken?
Doesn't it sound, very familiar? Is it making you nostalgic? Continue reading - you'll curse me. :))
As days pass-by, 3/4 guys move to a new world (different cities / countries / continents) -exploring better avenues of life. Now, they don’t even have time to call / chat / mail their old pals.
Years pass-by, still 2/3 guys (who haven't moved out), call-up each other (on special occasions). Later, even that phase is over. People are busy with their own family, work etc...
Days, Months & Years pass-by, these people have forgotten the existence of each other. They do not even have time to remember their old pals. If this continues, many years later - they would not be able to recognize the face of the person, with whom they spent 'some of their best moments of life'.
One day, two of them meet-up, accidentally. They are strangers now! Not able to remember the familiar face of the other person. Not able to recall the name of the other person. Not able to talk to him. They smile and move-on. Some how, if they do remember, then their talk will be customary 'Hi / Hello. How are you? Married? Kids? what are you doing? In touch with anyone? What is he doing? ....Gimme ur fone #. Wil get in touch. Bi'
After going home, they try to tell old time stories to wife /grown-up children, who for obvious reasons will not be interested.
When these guys are middle-age, they realize something is missing! They need friends to talk to! but where are they? Now they want a re-union. But, it is not easy to get in touch with all the old pals. Not easy to organize a re-union. With great difficulty, they manage a re-union of guys who have stayed in the same place. They re-live the time they spent together, the fun they had. After the re-unions, it is back to normal life. To meet friends, one more re-union is needed! These re-unions go well, for some time. As guys start getting older, responsibilities on family / work front increase. Their social commitments are more. They cannot pull-out time for their old friends now. Their friendship is only a memory now....
They can get nostalgic, listening to 'summer of 69', and often keep humming 'Those were the best days of my life', remembering school days.
In retirement, they try to go back the memory lane and think 'Why didn’t we not keep in touch. It could have been great, if only we guys were still in touch! Our children could've grow-up together. We could've been one extended family, helping each other in times of need. Sharing happiness with each other'. But it is only a thought now, Life goes on"
Only the second part of this story is my imagination. This story could be ours too. I have experienced the first part of the story and am anticipating the second part to happen (a bit exaggerated).
We have so many friends at any given moment. But, as we start making newer friends, our old pals are taken for granted. We do not wish to spend time with them. When with newer friends, and our old friends call -we feel irritated (not everyone, but some of us do). We start loosing them. On our journey of life, we make so many friends and lose most of them too.
When we are young and single, we have so much time for our friends. We meet very often, we call / mail / chat - almost everyday. But, once we start working, frequency reduces gradually. Once we find a soul-mate (girlfriend/boyfriend/ wife / husband) frequency reduces drastically.
Do we get so engrossed with our day-2-day lives and our self-invented troubles that we do not feel the need to talk to people who care (d) for us?
I am extremely sad to say that I'm a part of this too. I have had tons of friends, who were (are) a part of my life. But somehow 'circumstances have split us apart'. I've lost touch with most of them. At the moment I'm in touch with only a few (of the tons) of friends, I once had.
We are (physically) at an age, where we start feeling a need for a soul-mate. So, at this point in time, most of my friends are either getting girlfriends /engaged / married. I'm very happy for them. I'm neither jealous nor angry on them, in-fact I'm happy that they are on the verge of becoming eternally happy souls.
In fact, I attended one such engagement ceremony yesterday (of one of my closest buddies). I am very happy for him; he has found a right match for himself.
Then, why am I writing this blog? After I came back home, I was really sad! No I was not jealous!
I started feeling that my closest pal - is going to become one of the characters of the (above) story. I am certain to lose contact with him. I'll never be as close to him, again. I don't want this to happen. In about 2-3 years time, I expect all my friends to get into relationships (marriage / live-in / love ....). I will be left with 'No single CLOSE FRIEND' in this time. I'll be left with 'A Few so-called friends and Colleagues'. This thought is very painful.
As it goes - in philosophy, "I did not come into this world, with friends(anyone). I will not go out, with friends (anyone)." So why bother?
I am not blaming anyone here!
I know that Circumstances and not people, are to be blamed. If, someone is genuinely not interested in continuing your friendship, you should let him/her go. But if circumstances have split you apart --> bad luck buddy...
PS: I might be very wrong to generalize people. Not everyone would do what I've written. I hope, my friends at least won’t do it. But, in the world (fast paced one) which I've seen --> this is how it goes. Friends (hip) do (es) not last for-ever. I would expect a common reply from all the people, who happen to read this blog "This is not true... I know people who have remained friends forever... I'm not like that... You are pessimistic.... This blog is non-sense...etc"
But, let us keep our hallucinations away and comment frankly. I would be very glad, if I'm proven wrong.